for its own sake
Last week I began a practice for its own sake.  I’ve rented a studio for two hours each tuesday evening to work. Not to work on a product or show or technique but to work on practice. To work on presence. To see what I need as a body, a voice, in order to be fully present in a space. To let that space become spaces within my sound and movement, to fill the time by fulfilling it- without initial pedagogy or formality.
I have never done something like this. My work is always attached to either a class or a specific project, and I have a feeling I am not alone in this. Yet to practice for the sake of itself is truly amazing. Terrifying and exhilarating. I laughed. I cried. I ran in a circle for 20 minutes singing. I worked on the smallest muscles near my spine. In the end, I felt like I had gone swimming in a clear pond and my sleep was like drying off in the sun.
The studio is clean, warm, quiet, large. It is affordable and close to my home. With these variables taken care of, there is nothing in the way of my work but me and my own exhaustion, doubt, impatience. And for now, I am content to let the practice have room for those and to nudge into, through, past them. Not perfect, and in that way, its own perfection- because it is alive and present to that moment in my body.
This entry gives nothing but itself the same way.
In hope more people find the time to be in their work not attached to a performance in order to find the root of practice or training, or presence.
Dhira, this reminds me so much of the time I spent alone in the studio in 2005 and 2006. The empty room with no goals in sight is like a desert, a mountain, a cave. And I really mean the desert of the Christian hermits, the mountain called Analogue, and the cave of Bodhidharma. It’s the same space: the space of solitude. Of meeting oneself.
I’m relatively far from that kind of practice right now. URT is preparing for its first real theatrical premier in five years. We are working on rhythm now, and eventually on image, perhaps on text. The environment is completely different. We have goals. We want to “explode,” we want to “appear.” The space is never empty as it used to be.
But I know in every second of every day, inside and outside the studio, that the seeds I found a few years ago when I was alone in the studio… those are still the seeds that cause me to do whatever I do. They are so valuable, so tiny, like grains of sand or fragments of jewels. Nearly invisible, but hard as diamonds. Unbreakable.
I remember that when I was working alone in the studio, I would spend about half the time moping and a quarter of the time sleeping. The rest of the time I was moving, running around, singing, and then, for a few golden seconds, I would discover something that I needed to do just for the sake of doing it. To find that need, that connection between impulse and action… those tiny jewels of pure desire. It’s like mining for gold. It’s worth it.
I remember the swimming and the drying off. Hot and cold. Wet and dry. Windy and calm. All of that in an empty room. How large we are! When we expand…
b.
Congratulations on finding practice. I haven’t managed to get myself to do this yet – but my life is currently to full of study and external commitments.
I was in a group for a while which tried to instigate practice for the sake of practice – but the lack of commerciability caused members to sway the original intentions. Perhaps what it needs is individuals to practice for themselves and just happen to meet in the same room – working in their own ways.
I look forward to finding this dedication to practice soon.
Dhira,
A coincidence-I just emailed a friend explaining why for me, yoga must be done in a studio with others as opposed to a private solitary practice at home.
You put it eloquently-and I agree Yoga in that scenario can be a supportive environment while it allows you the freedom to make your own choices, firstly regarding the physical body-
For me its also a place where 1 1/2 hours are spent in a basic like-mindedness; a starting point for my own “private spiritual practice” which potentially goes deeper.
I’m inspired with your experimentation-two hours alone per week not contingent on outcomes, a project or a GIG.
And, yes it brings me back to South Korea when much time was spent in Buddhist Temples on retreats or just my own retreat-You’re given an empty room and space to create and cultivate practice-bring that into one’s artistic process and who knows what can emerge.
I see you’re back in NYC and I, in Berlin, whence we came–
Berlin’s changed, it’s growing, has become or has returned to its pre-war fame–an exciting new starting point.
@Svetlana Jovanovic
Hi Svetlana,
How wonderful to hear from you in this forum.
I was looking forward to spending a month back in Berlin this summer, but plans are looking more towards practice in France, doing Roy Hart work and possibly returning for a spell to Plum Village. Let me know, however, if there is something that should divert me there. Please keep me updated and think about posting a description of your current practice; it would be great to have more of your voice here.
much,
Dhira